


Exploring Destiel

by Lazarus_Rising



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, Hopefully good plot, M/M, Maybe good porn, Porn With Plot, Random shots, Slow Updates, Smut, There will be more tags when there is more writing, sorry in advance, who knows anymore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2018-12-15 20:07:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11813292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lazarus_Rising/pseuds/Lazarus_Rising
Summary: Hello!I'm going to attempt a load of one-shots - both fluffy and smutty, so I hope you shippers will come along for the ride.There will be slow updates (I can already tell) but suggestions and comments will keep me going!My plan is to just take some places where the boys have been before and use them as inspiration to write some stories with it - they won't all be based in the supernatural universe though...I know I'm not the best writer on here, but I would be honoured if you read whatever's here and tell me what you think - and make suggestions!So shippers, welcome to my fanfiction. Let's explore some Destiel!And maybe Sabriel.  ;)





	1. The West

**Author's Note:**

> First one-shot... Yay! Some Western smut for ya. ;)

The sun was sinking gradually on the horizon. Mixes of gold spread across the expanses of the sky and on the dry earth below, looking more rich than any loot Castiel had ever found. 

There was sweat on Castiel's brow, below his dark cowboy hat. His clothes were damp with sweat from the heat of the day. The revolver hung heavy at his hip, the barrel still warm from the bullets moving through the chamber and into a bandits neck. Castiel shifted on his horse, the gash on his side was not deep, put it pulled enough to be bothersome while mounted. 

In the distance Castiel could see a small town, he quickened his pace in order to make in there before nightfall. 

Castiel wasn't a murderer, nor lawman. Merely just a traveller. He wandered the country, not looking for anything in particular, just something to do. He made himself useful. Did odd jobs here and there for strangers he will not see again, moving on too quickly to remember their names. 

Countless times Castiel had been mistaken for a bandit or sheriff. The days he cleaned up he looked like the law, while other days he looked like he just hijacked a train. Castiel's way of life has taught him how to adapt, be able to assess a situation and handle it like a trained soldier. He knew how to fight, he just never made it obvious. Castiel stayed anonymous. Not used to becoming attached, he remained an unknown to the townspeople he came across. 

Just as he entered the small town, the last light of day was seeping from the sky, leaving behind the light of millions of stars, glowing dimly amonst each other. The town itself was very quiet. People were either in the saloon or at home, for there were only a couple of drunkards laying in the road. The faint keys of a piano could be heard in the distance, Castiel dismounted his horse and followed it. 

The source was a fairly large saloon. The cheering on men and the flirtatious laughter of women could be heard behind the doors. Castiel tied up his horse by the trough and walked into the establishment. A few of the people in the room gave him odd looks but were immediately distracted by their friends or the women in which they were flirting with. 

Castiel went straight to the bar. The bartender, and probably the owner, was a tall man with long brown hair. His soft face juxtaposed his intimidating stature, telling Castiel not not piss the guy off. 

"I haven't seen you 'round before. What's your name?" The man asked, somehow mangaging to speak over the crowd without having to yell. Just as Castiel was about to reply a man, who was shorter than the bartender, came behind the bar and patted the other man on the shoulder before going about his business. He had short dirty blonde hair and deep green eyes. He was what most men would refer to as a 'pretty-boy' but Castiel couldn't keep his eyes off of him. He was snapped back to reality when the bartender put a glass on the bar fairly loudly.

"Whisky?" He asked.

"Yes," Castiel replied, his throat scatchy from the lack of drink he's had that day. "Most people call me Cas" 

"Hey there Cas, I'm Sam, and that's my brother Dean" he pointed to the man still behind the counter.

"Hi" Dean said, finally meeting Cas's blue eyes. They stared at eachother for a moment before Sam interrupted. 

"What brings you here Cas?" Sam asked. Dean stopped what he was doing to pay attention to the conversation, interested in the mystery man. Castiel took a gulp of his whisky before he spoke. Dean watched his throat as the burning liquid went down, unable to take his eyes off of him.

"Just passing through really. Is there anywhere in town where I could stay the night?" Castiel replied clutching the gash on his side.

"Well we have a room you could use. You'll have to pay of course. We also have a nice selection of ladies you can have for the evening." Sam said, trying to entice Castiel. Dean glared at the side of his brothers head. Sam knew what he was doing. He was not only trying to make extra money, but also trying to annoy his brother - Sam had clearly noticed the staring. Castiel cleared his throat, attention back on him he said,

"I'll just take the room." Castiel pulled out more than enough money for the room and the drink.

"Dean would you show him to his room?" Sam asked, giving Dean a barely noticeable wink. Dean just nodded numbly and guided Castiel up the stairs and down to the end of the corridor. He fumbled with the key a little before the door swung open. Dean lit a few lamps and candles, the light showing a very lumpy looked bed and rotting wood flooring. 

"There ya go Cas-" Dean spun on his heel to seek Cas clutching his side, crimson blood leaking through his fingers and onto his shirt.

"What happened?" Dean asked as he sat the man down and grabbed some alcohol hidden in one of the cabinets and the cleanest sheet.

"It's not that bad, just a small gun fight. Somebody just happened to have a knife too." Castiel chuckled a little, wincing slightly. Dean seemed shocked by his answer and looked up and Castiel. They both seemed to realise how close they were now, Castiel sitting on the edge of the bed with Dean knelt between his legs, just a few inches from each other's face. 

"Let me take a look." Deans voice was soft, but his eyes shone with determination and something else Castiel couldn't quite place. Castiel complied, his jaw went slack when Deans strong, warm hands ran up his thighs and grabbed the hem of Castiel's shirt. Castiel's shirt came off quickly, his hat falling off along with it. Deans eyes raked Castiel's body, taking in the tanned skin and the tight muscles. His eyes fell on the gash that was not to deep, but was oozing blood steadily. 

Dean set to work, using the sheet to make a makeshift bandage and washing the wound out with some liquor. By the time he was finished they were both somehow closer. Castiel's hands rested on Deans shoulders, while Dean subconsiously ran his hands up and down Castiel's sides gently. Their eyes met, getting impossibly closer. Neither seemed to move, or breathe, for a moment. Castiel lifted one of his hands to rake through Deans hair gently. Dean let out a shaky breath.

Castiel's hand moved to the back of Deans head and pulled him in. Their lips met. It was soft and short. They both pulled back and looked into each other's eyes. Castiel now recognised what he saw in Deans eyes before, what he knows to be apparent in his own eyes now. Hunger. Need. And lust. 

Their lips came together again, but they had set a much faster pace, pulling at eachother hungrily. Dean climbed into Castiel's lap and caressed his torso, needing to feel more. More of him. Needing his touch more than anything else. Castiel tore Deans shirt, letting the buttons fall to the floor in a light clatter. Dean gasped and Castiel took the opportunity to dominate the kiss by exploring Deans mouth with his tongue. 

Dean moaned as Castiel grabbed Deans hips and began grinding their clothed cocks together, both of their members rapidly filling. They broke the kiss again their foreheads resting together while they grinded. 

"Ngh, ahh, Cas.... I need you.." Dean moaned. 

"Dean, get undressed." Castiel managed to say. Dean reluctantly stood from Castiel's lap and began removing the rest of his clothes. Castiel stood up and did the same until they were both naked, hard members red and ready to go. Castiel quickly kissed Dean again, he spun them round and pushed Dean on the bed onto his back. They continued grinding. The feeling of their flesh meeting made them both moan.

Castiel stopped kissing Deans lips and moved down his neck to suck bruises into his skin. Castiel continued to slowly grind their cocks together to Deans torment. Castiel pulled away and gently pushed three fingers into Deans mouth. Dean greedy slurped on Castiel's fingers, soaking them in his spit. Castiel pulled his fingers out and began circling one on them around Deans tight entrance while he kissed down Deans neck and chest. He sucked on Deans nipples rolling the pink buds across his tongue. Castiel's first finger sank into Deans hole, Dean opened his legs wider and began to rock onto the finger.

"Please Cas, please. I need more." Dean begged, sounding more desperate and arching his back slightly. Castiel added another finger and Dean squirmed slightly in discomfort before it turned into pleasure again.

"Are you okay?" Castiel asked, stopping his fingers and looking up to Deans face. Dean whimpered. He grabbed the sides of Castiel's face and brought it level with his own.

"Don't you dare fucking stop now." Castiel just smirked and began his ministrations again, moving his two fingers deeper into Dean and scissoring them. Dean gasped and rocked harder onto Castiel's fingers, their neglected cocks rubbing together slightly. Castiel looked down between them to see beads of pre-cum at the tip of Deans member. Castiel kissed his way back down Deans torso. He gently pushed a third finger into Dean. Dean rocked even harder onto Castiel's fingers, mumbling 'yes' over and over again. 

Castiel took the tip of Deans cock in his mouth, sucking the pre-cum off. Dean was right on the edge, but Castiel grabbed the base of Deans member and removed his fingers before he could. 

"Cas!" Dean almost yelled. He was harder than ever and had been denied his quickly approaching orgasm. Castiel just laughed a little before he spat into his hand and stroked his cock. Dean stilled and bit his lip in anticipation. He had never been more horny than right at this moment. A beautiful man above him, eyes filled with lust, cock in hand ready to fill him up. Dean groaned and pulled his legs back with his arms.

"Fuck me Cas." Castiel leaned right into Deans space and kissed him as he pushed his member into Deans prepped hole. It was still a tight fit and the air was knocked out of Cas, the feeling of Dean around him, greedily taking his cock made him groan and begin to move. Dean wrapped his legs around Castiel's waist and his arms around his neck. The pace picked up rather quickly, the sounds of the saloon below them being drowned out by the rhythmic slap of skin and the creaking of the headboard.

They soon found themselves gasping for air. Between kissing and moaning they turned themselves into a panting mess. 

"Dean you're so tight." Castiel growled out, increasing his speed and grabbing Deans cock, jerking him off in time with his thrusts.

"Oh God! Cas, yes! I'm gonna-" Dean cried out as Castiel hit a sensitive bundle of nerves, sending Dean into an overwhelming orgasm. He clenched on Castiel's cock and arched his back. Deans eyes rolled into the back of his head while his mouth opened in a silent scream of pleasure, white cum painting his stomach and Castiel's hand. Castiel continued to jerk and thrust through Deans orgasm until he went hurtling into his own. His hips stuttered and lost rhythm as he came in Deans ass. He threw his head back in ecstasy. Castiel thrusted a few more times, chasing his orgasm until he shuddered with sensitivity. 

Dean loosed his grip on Castiel and went limp on the bed. Castiel rolled off of Dean and laid beside him. Their breathing slowed as they calmed down. Dean grabbed a nearby sheet and wiped himself clean then rolled into Castiel's side. 

"Don't leave." Deans voice was croaky from moaning. 

"Who said I was gonna leave?" Castiel asked, gently stroking Deans hair.

"People like you, travellers, never stay in one town long. Never really stray from the road. I jus' don't want you to leave." Dean said, it spilling from his mouth before he could stop himself.

"I'll say it again. Who said I was gonna leave?" Castiel repeated. Dean looked up to see him smiling down at him. Dean couldn't help but smile himself.

"If you'll have me, I'd very much like to stay." Castiel said. Dean kissed him passionately.

"Hell yeah." Dean mumbled, his eyes closing slightly. Castiel pulled Dean closer to himself and kissed the top of his head before settling down and drifting off into a comfortable sleep.

 

~The End~


	2. Moondoor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel is struggling to cope with his new humanity, so Charlie decides to let him and Dean join in the battle for Moondoor in order to prove that he is still just as useful and important as before. Deans feelings run wild for the ex-Angel, wanting Cas to feel needed, without showing his true desires.
> 
> Can Cas come to terms with his new humanity?  
> Can Dean finally express his feelings for Cas?  
> And most importantly: Can Charlie bring her forces to victory and keep Moondoor in safe hands? ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, second chapter... And I'm so impatient I've gone straight to LARPing - ah I'm such a nerd, someone join me in the nerdness. 
> 
> I absolutely loved the LARPing episode, and the character Charlie, (may she rest in peace, bitches), so I'm gonna bring it all back in this chapter - and probably future chapters to come! 
> 
> Let's see how this thing turns out. Warning, copious amounts of feels and much fluff - I may have gotten a little carried away with this one, it's rather long ;)

"The battlefield is a brutal place of death and despair. Those who seek the thrill of heroism must look elsewhere-"

"Charlie are you seriously speaking in rhyme right now?" Dean sighed

"Hold! Dean you need to stay in character and pause by saying 'hold'. I don't mind too much but the other LARPers will be very, very passive aggressive." Charlie whispered through gritted teeth.

"It's literally just us three in here..." Dean commented and nodded towards Cas who was quietly paying attention to the conversation in the background.

"Give us a second Cas," Cas nodded and stepped outside the tent, Charlie continued whispering to Dean, "Look, you said Cas was going through a difficult time, losing his mojo and becoming human, so I very kindly let you into my kingdom. I want Cas to enjoy this just as much as we do, so we need to get him fully immersed in the world we've created here - otherwise there's no point!" 

"Two things," Dean began, "Firstly, 'we' enjoy this?-" Charlie interrupted,

"Hey! We ALL remember your very 'original' speech last time, and your fighting on the battlefield. I think it's safe to say you enjoy this game as much as the others, maybe even more so..."

"Okay fine, 'we' enjoy it then!" Dean conceded, "But that doesn't mean Cas does, or will. I don't understand how this will help him at all. He just needs some of the Winchester style TLC."

"Not everyone can bounce back after three bottles of whisky and blaring 70's rock like you do Dean. You said yourself that he needs a distraction. Why not the world of Moondoor huh? He can just be someone else for a while, he can feel useful-"

"Charlie he is useful!" Dean raised his voice, "Fine he has lost his grace, he isn't an angel anymore, so what? It doesn't make him any less a friend, any less family! He says he feels useless, but in truth his support, him just being there, has kept me going."

"Why don't you tell him that then?" Charlie asked.

"It doesn't matter. You don't understand." Dean turned away.

"Oh I understand clearly. Clear as the colours of the gay pride flag." Charlie laughed before seriousness came back to her voice, "You've gotta tell him some time Dean. You say you need him, but he needs you too." There was a long drawn out silence in the tent. The wind whipping at the tents walls and the distant shouts of the LARPers outside were all that could be heard. The bell hanging on the post outside the tents enrance rung, disrupting the quiet.

"We'll talk more later Dean," Charlie whispered aside, "Who is there?" Charlie asked, with her LARP voice giving a mock sense of power and annoyance. Cas pulled open the entrance and stuck his head through the gap, making him look like a curious eavesdropping child. Dean couldn't help but smile at his innocence.

"Have you finished your discussion yet, or should I continue to wait out here pretending to know what I'm doing?" Cas deadpanned.

"I must be going anyhow, I have many responsibilities to take care of today, preparing for the battle tomorrow is going to be a near impossible task. The other kingdom scum will be putting up a good fight, I have no doubt Castiel. But with your aid, we can certainly win this war and keep the Kindom of Moondoor... in the right hands." Charlie nodded once more and walked confidently out of the tent and into her 'kingdom', barely getting away with the rhyme.

"Must we be as dramatic?" Cas asked, turning to Dean.

"C'mon, it'll be fun. Let loose and enjoy it Cas."

"Despite now being human, I still do not understand your idea of 'fun'. Can't enjoyment be found elsewhere, not in the non-existent fantasy world of war and death?" Cas looked at Dean, then down at his own appearance. He was wearing mostly brown cotton, to imitate leather, and fake chainmail, similar to Dean. There was a blunt wooden 'sword' that hung on his belt that was tied loosely around his hips. Dean had to stop himself from staring at Cas, looking back up to him and merely chuckling off his uneasy feeling.

"Dude, that's why people read, and watch movies and LARP. People surround themselves with stories of horror, and sadness to make their crappy lives seem not so bad." At this, Cas tilted his head to the side, his mind mentally going through that judgement and pulling it apart to analyse the pieces.

"Is that what we're doing Dean? Pretending to be in a world full of horror and saddness in order to draw our attention away from the negativities and flaws of our own existence?" 

"When you put it like that it doesn't sound as good, but yes. We could both use a distraction," Dean placed his hand on Cas's shoulder and gently circled his thumb, he intended it to be a friendly gesture the the touch lasted much longer than it should've to be placed in the 'friendship' category. Dean removed his hand and let it fall to his side before things could become any more awkward. Cas's usual deadpan demeanour broke, his face was tinged pink and he couldn't look Dean directly in the eyes, a shyness Dean assumed was from his new humanity.

"C'mon lets wander for a bit, then we can head off grab some food and go back to the motel. Gotta rest up for the big day tomorrow. Charlie would kill us if we lost the battle." Dean laughed, Cas smiled and looked to the floor. They both exited the tent and entered the Moondoor Market.

\---

The day turned to dusk as the LARPers began to pack up, all that was left behind were the tents, empty stalls, and the plastic battery powered lights that looked like miniature lamps dangling from post to post. The lights emitted a yellow glow, bathing the little imaginary kingdom in a seemingly golden light. The more the sun went down, the more quiet and secluded the place seemed to be.

Dean and Cas stood at the entrance, looking at the surprisingly breathtaking spectacle. 

"I think I get it now." Cas said quietly, the world seeming so much smaller and intimate that merely whispering the words could reach arcoss the longest ocean and could be heard in the deepest of valleys and on the tallest of mountains. 

"Get what?" Dean asked looking to Cas. Cas's eyes were wide with wonder and an understanding that washed over Dean.

"This," Cas indicated to Moondoor, glowing beautifully into the dark of the evening, a hopeful, steady, flame seeping through the darkness. The rich glow shone onto them. Dean looked to Cas and saw his blue eyes also shining bright, a smile on his lips. Cas continued to look out into the lights as he grabbed Deans hand and held it in his own. Dean was staring at Cas now, hanging on his every word and movement, and moved closer.

"This place, this fantasy, has beauty, and adventure hidden right beneath the surface. It may be a distraction, but it is magnificent, and creative, and wonderful. I now understand its appeal." Cas continued to look on while Dean was completly transfixed. 

"Yeah... I agree." Dean breathed out, now much closer to Cas. Dean was not talking about Moondoor, but the man in front of him. The beautiful, brave, magnificent distraction to his everyday crappy life. His wonderful escape into fantasy and adventure. His steady flame guiding him through the darkness - past the demons and monsters and into a warm, welcoming light. Dean wanted to hug, and kiss, and hold him. To hold onto Cas and never let him go. He was so close, a few inches and he could feel his soft lips. He could taste. He could fall into fantasy and desire-

A loud truck horn blasted from the road behind them, breaking Cas's trance with the sight before him, and breaking Deans trance on Cas. Cas let go of Deans hand and turned to look at the source of the noise, Dean took a step back before Cas realised how close they had been. Cas just laughed and looked back towards Dean,

"And back to reality again." Dean produced a hollow laugh, void of the light humour found in Cas. 

Reality. 

The reality was that Cas was unattainable, unreachable. A wondrous fantasy that Dean could never fully immerse himself in, for it would be shattered by the loud screaming, screeching noise of reality. Like the truck horn. Except it's sound breaks his fantasy world piece by piece until it is nothing. Until the trance is broken and all that is left is a reality where there is no beautiful golden glow shining upon him. Where there are no dreams, or hopes. Where there is no 'him and Cas'.

A world where there is just Dean and Cas. A hunter and ex-Angel, fighting the evil of the world but never truly seeing any of the good. Never seeing any of the gold light of wondrous beauty to wash over them and take with it their troubles. Never any Love to greet them in moments of despair. Only a comradeship between a hunter and an ex-Angel. Never more.

Deans spiralling thoughts were interrupted by Cas placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Dean, are you okay? Are you crying?" Cas was concerned. Dean reached up and found a wetness on his cheeks and his eyes felt swollen. Cas hugged him, placing his arms around Deans neck and holding him tightly. 

"I'm okay Cas..." Dean said into Cas's hair, but he was still held tightly. Cas pulled Dean flush to his own body and spoke into Deans neck,

"I know that is you avoiding the question. You don't have to answer. But know that I'm here." Cas said reassuringly. Dean held the embrace for a moment longer, holding onto his fantasy, before reluctantly pulling away and forcing a smile on his face.

"Honestly I'm fine, maybe a little hungry. Burgers?" Dean asked, changing the subject. Cas nodded and they both began walking to the impala, the glowing fantasy now forgotten by Cas. Deans mind lingered on it as he looked at Moondoor in his rear view mirror, and then to his real fantasy who was sitting in his passenger seat.

Focussing on the road in front of him, Dean began driving to the nearest diner. 

\---

They had found a cozy, calm looking diner a few minutes walk from their motel, so they went to go get changed out off their LARPing clothes before heading off. While getting changed in their motel room Cas stared at Deans bare back, soaking in the sight of the slightly freckled skin. Dean was completely unaware of this as he tried his utmost hardest to avert his eyes from the ex-Angel, knowing that one glance would make his knees weak and his heart skip a beat.

On the walk to the diner Cas gave Dean short looks with small smiles, a mixture of shyness and concern laced in his facial features. Even Cas, who was new to being human, could feel the tension between them. Dean was holding back something, something that brought him to tears earlier that evening. If Cas had retained any aspect of himself from being an angel, it was his stubbornness.

Finding out what was wrong is his new mission. His new top priority. And this time he wouldn't fail like he had so many times before. He wouldn't fail Dean this time. Not again. Not ever again. He would be useful and human, a feat that is accomplished constantly by the Winchesters. He would just have to learn how to get by without his grace.

Learn how to be human.

They had approached the door to the diner, Dean holding it open for Cas to step in. The place was warm, filled with a few people having late dinners in booths, both alone and with their families. It seemed very quiet. Dean had led Cas to a dimly lit booth in the back corner of the room, wanting to avoid prying eyes.

Dean quickly slid into the booth and sat against the wall. He had expected Cas to sit opposite him, but instead he chose to sit in the space beside Dean. It wasn't a tight fit. In fact, a whole other person could have fitted on the bench, however Cas sat fairly close to the hunter and did not regard it in any strange way. Instead he picked up a menu and began looking at the burgers.

Cas had grown increasingly more worried with Deans silence. Cas knew Deans regular behaviour when he was going through something tough. Pretend to be okay and laugh it off. But now? He was holding his head in his hands, stare concentrated on a particular spot on the table. He didn't even look up when the waitress, that Dean would've usually hit on by now, approached the table.

"Good evening gentlemen, what can I get'cha?" She asked cheerily, her positive energy the polar opposite to that of Deans. Cas gave one more worried glance to Dean before turning to the waitress and replying.

"We'll have two cheeseburgers and fries, two beers, and a slice of apple pie please." Dean looked up out of habit when pie was mentioned, what he saw enraged him. The waitress taking their order was bending over the table slightly to show off her cleavage. To Cas! She winked at Cas and went to walk away to put their order through, giving Cas the 'sex eyes'. Cas didn't think anything of it until Dean, who hadn't spoken at all since they entered the establishment spoke up in a gruff voice.

"We'll take it to go." The waitresses shoulders had slumped slightly and she looked as if she'd been slapped by Deans words. She nodded and walked off to put through their order. Dean still looked angry even after the waitress was long gone. Cas gently placed a hand on his upper thigh and squeezed lightly. Dean snapped his head to look at Cas's hand, then Cas himself, slightly shocked by the intimate touch. His anger was immediately forgotten.

Dean didn't feel uncomfortable with Cas's hand there. No, he felt his head spin. Electric bolts tingled up and down his nerves. Butterflies erupted in his stomach. His face flushed slightly and he struggled to make eye contact.

"It's okay Dean, we can eat in the motel room." Cas smiled. The warmth of Cas's hand had sent wave after wave of comfort and peace over him and as quickly as it was there, his hand was gone. Dean frowned at the loss of touch, missing how every part of his being wanted more. But he couldn't have it.

Cas had gotten up and began walking to the counter, Dean followed closely behind, like a guard dog that's ready to rip the head of any flirtatious people the walk Cas's way. Cas paid for the food and they walked back to their motel room. Cas had sat cross legged on his bed to eat his dinner, while Dean sat at the old, dented, table. Both men polished off their food quickly.

They soon found themselves engulfed in the stillness of the motel room, both laying in their beds. Both laying awake. Cas turned his head to look at Deans silhouette, wanting nothing more than to crawl under the covers with him and never leave his tight embrace.

Dean was laid on his back but could feel Cas's eyes on him. Before Dean could say anything Cas spoke.

"Tell me what's wrong Dean." It wasn't a question. And there sure as hell wasn't a way for Dean to ignore him.

"Don't worry about it Cas. They're my problems and mine alone."

"No Dean, they're not. We all have issues, something that I have learned very quickly since losing my grace and becoming human. I still don't understand the act of urination and why it must be so tedious. Along with brushing ones teeth. Self hygiene I can understand, but manufacturers make the job so unnecessarily confusing. How often should I floss? Should I be using mouth wash? What brand of toothpaste is the most effective?" Dean couldn't help but smile at what Cas had rambled. Either the man was tired or he was dead serious, both options equally hilarious to Dean.

"Look, what I'm trying to say is that I may not understand now, but I can try. I just need you to talk to me Dean. Say something other than that you're 'fine', because I don't believe it at all. I will call Sam if I must-" Dean interupted Cas.

"Fine, fine, I'll talk alright! Just don't call Sam. And don't tell anyone, okay?" 

"Of course Dean." Cas complied. Dean sighed and took a moment to think of how to say it. How to say anything that is somewhat the truth, but does not reveal everything. He rubbed his eyes and looked at the ceiling, Cas's eyes still trained intently on his face.

"I'm just struggling to accept that-that," Dean took another moment, he could feel the tears begin to well up in his eyes and hoped that Cas couldn't see past the darkness in the room.

"There's something I can't have. That I can never, ever have Cas," Dean whispered, voice breaking slightly as he continued on. "I hate it. It's a dream that I can never have because I don't deserve it. They don't deserve me because they deserve much, much better." Cas had heard the slip up. Dean wanted somebody so desperately that he couldn't have and Cas paused. Malfunctioning, for just a moment. Cas took a deep breath, ignoring the fact that his heart just dropped and a lump had formed in his throat making him want to cry. He could hear the shatter of his own heart alongside Deans. He pushed on, for Deans benefit alone.

"Dean, there is no way you are as little as you think of yourself. You are a strong hunter and you have saved numerous lives, including my own. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you Dean. You have changed my life in more ways than one and there is no way I can thank you enough. There is no way for the world to thank you and Sam enough for the countless monsters you have faced and defeated. The thought of you not being good enough for someone is ludicrous. If anything, people should be worried if they're good enough to for you." Cas let out a shaky breath, his own insecurities seeping into his words.

"Why wouldn't you think you're good enough Cas?" Dean asked, finally looking towards the ex-Angel with eyes that are no longer filled with tears, but with curiosity and complete admiration. 

"I have always failed you and Sam. I have always messed up and made the wrong decision. I've put you in danger more often than not. I am ashamed of my actions and mistakes Dean and- and I fear that I can never truly make up for it all." Cas admitted.

"Is that why you're always trying to help out?"

"I'll always come when you call Dean. I always have and always will, but I will never forgive myself for the mistakes I've made and the hurt I've caused you and your brother." Cas spoke, barely above a fragile whisper.

"I've forgiven you Cas. I forgave you a long time ago." Dean spoke quietly and yawned. The conversation came to an end as both men became drowsy with sleep. Cas dried his eyes and turned over, getting comfortable and drifting off into a sleep filled with dreams of green eyes and a future he will never deserve. 

\---

The next morning was warm and bright. A clear day for the war of Moondoor to take place. Cas and Dean were both in their LARPing clothes, fake swords hung on their belt and shields secured to their left arms. They hadn't talked at all that morning. The conversation the previous night left an awkward gap between them, something that they just wanted to bridge and come together. They pushed those thoughts away as Charlie spoke to her army.

"Today you are not warriors, mages, healers, fighters, or merchants. Today you are one. We have come together to defeat the evil forces that oppose our peaceful kingdom. We may have casualties, and we may lose, but we will defend our kingdom, we will defend each other as one. Together we a strong. Together we can overcome any obstacle that may stand in our path." Charlie pointedly looks at Cas and Dean as she said the last part, words that echoed in Deans head, words that Cas smiled sadly at. Charlie spoke with confidence and power, inspiring the army before her. They erupted in cheers and battle cries.

On the opposite side of the field there was an uproar in the enemy soldiers. They too were cheering. Charlie led the soldiers into battle, Dean and Cas also fighting their way through the enemy forces. The light clash of fake swords echoed quietly while mages could be heard calling out spells. Dean looked over to Cas to see him completly destroying those who faced him, slicing cleanly and accurately into their weak points, spinning his sword and 'killing' efficiently. Deans heart nearly lept out of his chest when Cas turned to Dean smiling. 

It was as if time had frozen. Their surroundings had stilled and it was just them. Dean and Cas, finding each other so easily in the crowd. They were magnets, always drawing closer and closer, always waiting, and hoping, for that conection, that collision.

Cas's face changed. He reached out and began running to Dean, eyes filled with worry. Dean, as if seeing it all in slow motion, felt someone push into him from behind, taking Dean by surprise and knocking him over. 

Dean lay face down. His arms had taken most of the fall, but his head laid on one of the decorative rocks in the park. He felt numb, only feeling the pain in his head and the warm trickle down his forehead. Someone had moved him, was talking to him, shaking him. He opened his eyes to see blue eyes, dark hair, and a face - the face - that belongs to the man he loves too much. 

"Dean! Dean! Wake up, please!" Cas cried out. When he didn't get an immediate response he gently pulled Dean upright and cradled him in his arms, carefully resting Deans face on his chest as he sobbed. Dean had come to now, but felt too dizzy to move, so he stayed in Cas's arms as he continued to mumble.

"I'm so sorry Dean. I can't get anything right." Cas shuddered, still crying. Dean cooed him quietly,

"Shh, Cas, I'm fine. It's okay." Cas pulled back to look at Dean. His blue eyes were bloodshot and swollen from crying and his cheeks were flushed. The pair had barely noticed the crowd that had formed until the guy, who must have fell into him spoke up,

"Dude, I'm so sorry - do you need an ambulance?" Dean just laughed it off,

"This? Nah. I'm just gonna call it quits today. Just uh- win for the queen I guess..." Dean said, trying to sound enthusiastic. The guy just nodded and the crowd dispersed and resumed their individual battles. Cas helped Dean to the impala and he sat on the bonnet with Cas standing opposite inspecting the injury.

"I'm sorry Dean, I wasn't quick enough..." Dean gently wiped away a few stray tears on Cas's face the tilted his chin so Cas would look at him.

"Stop apoligising. You have nothing to apologise for."

"But I'm meant to look out for you. Be useful." Cas trailed off and began looking away. Dean pulled Cas's face back up again. Cas could see fury in his eyes.

"Enough Cas! You're not an angel anymore but it doesn't mean you're useless goddammit. I don't know what I would do without you, Angel or not. I don't need you to run around and do everything so you can to fix the past. I just need you!" Cas was silent and unmoving, now standing fairly close to Dean, between his legs while Dean sat on the car. Dean dropped his hand from Cas's face and took a breath, forcing the tears back and looking down at his hands nervously fidgeting on his lap. He mumbled, 

"It's a two way street Cas - I've failed you before. Hell, probably everyday. I'm supposed to help you through this human stuff and yet you're still confused about dental health." Deans small joke lightened the mood slightly. Cas looked at Dean like he hung the moon. 

Cas placed his hands on the sides of Deans face.

"You're right. It is a two way street. I need you too." Dean looked up. Cas had stepped closer, their noses nearly brushing. Deans eyes were wide and his heart was hammering when Cas leaned in and connected their lips.

Dean felt warm, the butterflies were no longer in his stomach, but everywhere. Shocks of electricity flowed through his very veins. Cas has pulled back and gave Dean a half smile, his face a mix of anxiety and excitement. Dean finally came to his senses and grabbed Cas by the shirt and crashed their lips together.

Everything stood still. That warm golden light of fantasy and beauty had seeped into reality. Tears rolled down their faces as they moved closer to deepen the kiss. They were flush to eachothers bodies, holding on to eachother for dear life as if it was a dream and would disappear if they didn't hold on tight enough. 

It wasn't just passion in the kiss. It was everything. They poured their hearts and souls into that one kiss. Their pain, and grief, and mistakes, and flaws. There was nothing, absolutely nothing, that they didn't share in that moment. They were one. Together. Both bathing in that golden glow that seemed impossible to reach. That fantasy that seemed too good for either of them had turned out to be something they needed most.

Each other.

They felt whole. Two puzzle pieces fitting perfectly together, even after all the physical and mental trauma of their lives.

They pulled apart, catching their breath and putting their heads together, still in a warm embrace that neither wanted to leave. 

Their bubble of intimacy was broken by enormous cheers coming from the field. They both looked over to see that Charlie had been lifted onto the shoulders of the remaining army about her.

"Looks like Charlie won." Cas laughed and looked back to Dean. Their eyes met and they lost themselves in each other for a moment. Dean caressed Cas's cheek and spoke with so much love and happiness it made Cas's heart swell. Dean talked with more honesty, admiration, and overwhelming joy than he had in the entirety of his life,

"I think I'm the real winner today."

Dean leaned in once more and kissed Cas, relishing in the feeling of it, and the thought of many more they would share throughout the rest of their lives.

 

~The End~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been thinking... I know, probably not a good thing, however I write these stories on my IPad 2 - which means that not only does it take forever to do anything, but also that I haven't figured out where the italics button is - I know I'm bad at technology guys - but that's besides the point.  
> What I'm saying is that I, along with many other writers, use italics to show the inner dialogue of a character - their thoughts and feelings in an unspoken sentence, unsaid dialogue. However without italics I've found that bringing across characters feelings forces me to use writing techniques (similes, metaphors, personification etc etc) to get the point across and describe in more depth. I suppose it's helped me develop my writing into something that explores language at techniques further to describe things. (However with this one-shot, there is still much to be desired, oh well).
> 
> With that being said, I propose to you, shippers and writers, to give it a go! Write a passage of whatever you want to write, but write it twice. One version with italics as thoughts and the other with your own imagery and descriptions instead. I honestly don't know how it will turn out for ya, but tell me how it goes if you try it out! I think it'll turn out to be a really good writing technique to explore different and better ways to write the same thing - I know I'm not the best writer, but hey, I like this sorta stuff. (For those who read the start of this note and don't understand a word of it, it's fine, I'm a bit insane sometimes ;) ) 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter, if you did leave a kudo, and feel free to comment what you thought, how I could improve, and (if you chose to give it a go) how the writing went! 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading and I'll see ya in the next one ;)  
> P.S - it's not often that I update like this - two in one week! - it's because it's new and I have ideas right now, but I will run out so comment what you want to see and I'll try make it happen ;)


	3. Chasing His Humanity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been forever, sorry about that :(
> 
> This is a shorter update with some DemonDean getting *cured* by Cas ((if ya know what I mean ;) )) in the Bunker.
> 
> Yep, there's smut. Hope you enjoy and tell me what you think.

Dean's eyes were completely black. The mark of Cain had finally shredded the rest of his humanity. All that remained were his memories, with emotions the demon could no longer comprehend. Times spent with his brother and the angel. But the happiness, the fear, everything didn't make sense. Human Dean would stop himself from acting on cruel impulse. He would halt if he found himself spiralling out of control. 

But this new Dean embraced it; wants to follow every spike of anger, wants to burrow into gluttony, wants to drown himself in every flood of lust that coursed through his veins. So when the angel grabbed him from behind and restricted his movement he was filled with both rage and arousal.

Green eyes blinked open to find a dark room that was none other than the dungeon in the bunker, in which Dean was chained. When he spotted two figures his eyes went black again and a cocky smirk came across his expression.

"If you wanted me tied up, all you had to do was ask..." Castiel's cheeks tinged pink and Sam felt uncomfortable.

"What? You don't like this new me. It's a great improvement. All that guilt and depression that human Dean was carrying is gone. I don't care that you were left in hell Sam while human Dean played house, and the funny thing is, he didn't care much either. In fact, he wishes that he never got an angel to save you from the trials. His 'heroic' little brother didn't think he should be alive - human Dean agreed, he just didn't have the balls to tell you." The demon darkly joked.

"You shut your mouth you evil son of a bitch!" Sam yelled in anger and punched the demon across the jaw. Castiel tried to pull Sam off of demon Dean. Dean moved inches from Sam's face, 

"That's it, Sammy. GET ANGRY! C'mon, show me what you got!" Sam grabbed Dean's collar and went to punch him again, but Castiel's calm voice cut through the tension.

"Sam, stop. This is what he wants." Sam reluctantly let go of his brother and stepped back.

"Buzzkill..." Demon Dean grumbled.

"Look, we've set everything up, I can administer the blood. You should get some rest." Castiel offered. Sam nodded and left the room with his head down. The door shut in an echoing click of the lock.

"Looky here. We're all alone now angel-boy. What are you gonna do, spank me? I've been naughty, y'know." Dean rasped, moving his hips on the chair, trying to entice Castiel.

"I am administering the cure for your demonic state," Castiel spoke emotionlessly.

"That's no fun. You wanna hear something interesting instead?" Dean asked, winking. The angel did not respond as he arranged the syringes of Sam's blood, so he continued on. "Well, human Dean had some very special feelings for a certain angel. I can't feel most of it, but man, all that sexual tension. He had quite a few wet dreams about you Cas. Now I don't understand love, but lust. Lust is something I get, and very much on board with." Demon Deans eyes were still inky black, but his lids came down in pleasure and he bit his bottom lip as he ran a palm over his hard length trapped underneath his denim jeans. Castiel went somewhat more flushed and his pupils dilated as he tracked the demon's movement.

"You can't say you're not interested Cas. The old Dean may have tried to ignore it, but I want it. I want it all." Dean's hand tightened over his crotch and he groaned at the relief. "C'mon Cas, I know you want to give in. What's the harm in sinning with a demon." At this, he slipped down the chair slightly and brought his shirt up to play with his nipples, which soon became hard buds beneath his trained fingers.

Castiel took a breath and tried to ignore his hard length pushing underneath his slacks. He turned and grabbed one of the syringes and approached the Demon. Deans black eyes raked over the angel, his eyes hovering over the angel's arousal before meeting his eyes again.

"I know you want me Cas. Take me." Castiel gritted his teeth and plunged the syringe into the demon's neck and emptied its contents. The demon hissed, his eyes turning back to their usual green for a split second before returning to black. 

A few hours had passed, with more administrations. Demon Dean continued to torture Castiel by rubbing up and down his body with those sinful hands. Castiel was on edge.

"You're gonna have to try harder than that. Right now, you're more human than I am." Demon Dean laughed. "You wanna know why that is Cas? Because you want to give in. You wanna rip my clothes off and bend me over that table. You're weak, just like a human."

"Maybe I am weak." Castiel stated, "And you're right, I suppose that does give me some human qualities. But Dean, why do you want it so much?" Castiel gained dominance over the room, looking larger and more intimidating and stepping closer. "Why do you want me to fuck you senseless?"

"Because why not?" Dean hummed with excitement.

"No. It's not that Dean. You're chasing the human emotions you no longer experience. You want to feel something more than this nothingness of being a demon, don't you Dean?"

"Why does that make a difference?" Dean growled angrily.

"Because if that's right," Castiel approached Dean and tenderly ran his hands up Deans arms, around his neck and into his hair, pulling his head back to force eye contact, "I will do it."

"Cas!" Dean's voice broke as pleasure ran through his senses and tingled in the pit of his stomach with Castiel's hands in his hair and grace running through his body. He looked Castiel in the eyes, his own flickering between black and green. Castiel knew that the cure was taking effect and only a few more administrations are left to be given. Deans humanity was returning to him.

"Cas please, please, fuck..." Deans breath had picked up pace and his eyes remained green.

"Am I correct in my assumption, Dean?" Castiel ground out in his gravelly voice.

"Y-yes Cas, please..." Dean sighed when Castiel brought their lips together, the angel completely owning Deans mouth. His tongue invaded the Demons mouth and took control of the kiss which became desperate and filled with unspoken emotion.

Castiel pulled himself away from Dean and pulled the metal table into the demon trap, being careful not the scratch it. Castiel spun around quickly and pulled Dean to his feet and into his body, pressing as close as possible. Their erections rubbed together through the material of their clothes and created delicious friction they both moaned at. Castiel pulled Dean back in for another crushing kiss before ripping off his clothes, literally tearing of the older Winchester's shirt and throwing it to the ground. He lifted Dean to the table effortlessly and undid his pants before pulling them down along with his boxers in one swift motion. 

Dean sat on the table, completely naked and hard leaking against his stomach, panting. Dilated pupils of his green eyes running down Castiel's body and he undresses swiftly. Once Castiel his undressed he stands between Dean's legs, grasping both of their cocks in one strong fist and began to stroke languidly. Dean throws his head back and moans and Castiel takes the opportunity to nip lightly at his neck. Dean places his hand over Castiel's and adds to the friction.

"Yes Cas, just like that, like that, yes..." Dean mumbles incoherently. Castiel groans lightly into Dean's ear and pleasure zings from his toes to his stomach, slowly pooling and building. Deans chest had flushed red and his hips began to rock slightly through his and Castiel's hand. 

"Lay back," Castiel ordered in a voice, deeper than usual. Dean complied, his legs opening further automatically. Castiel kissed him lovingly and gently grasped his wrists together above his head. Castiel began running his fingers down Deans torso, kissing and leaving marks as he went. Dean tried to move his hands to run through Castiel's hair, but he couldn't as if an invisible barrier kept preventing him from moving his hands, from touching Castiel.

"Cas...?" Dean tried to ask, but couldn't continue when Castiel's lips had locked around the head of his cock and sucking him down. "Oh God, Cas!" Castiel rose up and shushed Dean, smiling encouragingly.

"Trust me." 

Dean nodded and replied, "Always Cas." Castiel smiled again as he traced his fingers around Dean's tight, puckered hole. One touch and Castiel's angelic grace entered, smooth and soft rubbing against Dean's inner walls and stretching him out and slicking him up. Dean's mouth fell open in a silent scream as the grace reached Dean's prostate and gently hummed against it. 

"Yes Cas, right there, more, more, please!" Dean gasped. Castiel's grace left Dean's hole fluttering around nothing, aching to be filled. Castiel's cock was already slick with his own and Dean's pre-come, so he slowly entered Dean, allowing him to get used to his size.

"Oh God, Cas move please, need you." Dean struggled against Castiel's angelic bounds around his wrists. Castiel began to move slowly, moving his member in and out of Dean's tight heat. Castiel grabbed Dean's hips and lifted them slightly in order to thrust faster, harder, and directly pound into Dean's prostate. Dean's hips rocked frantically against Castiel, trying to chase this euphoric feeling. 

Castiel's thrusts became more erratic as white-hot pleasure pooled in his gut. Dean continued to voice his stream of consciousness between moans and gasps,  
"Fuck, Cas yes! Oh God, don't stop, s'good, so good, fucking love you, I love you so much." Dean clenched his hands into fists above his head and tensed, his back arched and he screamed out as his walls tightened and he came across his own chest and under his chin. Castiel followed moments later, his balls tightening and releasing into Dean. He fell on top of Dean and lazily kissed up his neck and onto his lips. Both sets of eyes were hooded in the haze of their bliss. 

"I love you too, Dean."

Dean's eyes did not go black again during the rest of the cure.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this was okay..... Yeah idk - please let me know what you think in the comments, leave kudos if ya really liked it, and feel free to give me one-shot suggestions or suggestions for me to improve :) 
> 
> Idk how often I'll be able to update, so be warned - suggestions do keep me inspired though! 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading and I'll see ya in the next one ;)


End file.
